Today I was doing the forgiveness meditation, and towards the end of my meditation I opened my eye and Looked at the most beautiful tree outside of window.
I looked at beautiful leaves which are changing color and soon will drop to the ground to change form and go back to their roots. I told myself, the mistakes I made, the lessons I learned, are falling to the ground. I am ready to let them go and then they will turn into life. I have learned for me to grow I am gonna keep making mistakes, I am gonna fall, it’s not gonna be a straight line. It never was.
My adviser said she has a meeting and asked me to walk with her so we can discuss my proposal. We talked for 20 minutes until she got where she is suppose to be. I ran back to the department because my class was starting in 8 minutes. I checked my watch and told myself, if I talk to committee #two for 6 minutes, I have 2 minutes time to run to my class.
For lunch I was suppose to meet my friend, and then another meeting. Then class.
In the last class, I was thinking how tired I am.
Well, I am not used to these back to back schedules, so is not my body. This is not normal for me and I think unless you love this lifestyle, nobody should consider this normal. I have put a practice for myself, every hour the bell rings in our university. At that moment I stop doing whatever I am doing and take a deep breath.
I am tired because I need to rest, its 11:20 pm and I am awake writing here. I was thinking how much I miss writing but the busy schedule doesn’t let that happen.
Its really hard to find the balance based on your values but I am sure if I start respecting that so will people around me.
P.S. Tomorrow is climate strike, will be there and I think people need to go because of the future of our kids.
I have noticed in so many of my friendships and interactions. The people create a box of your behavior. Sometimes, they even make a comment mostly positive. But, if you start to push that box, or make changes in the box. They will push back, because you are not in the box they created of you anymore.
So many times, people try to stay in the boxes, to be nice, to be understanding. I am totally guilty of that. Just break the boxes, be the crazy you. You are not suppose to fit in any box. Sing, dance unconditionally. Stand up for what is the truth! Make all the steps you take, take you to your higher self.
If you have ever been to Yosemite national park, you have seen redwood trees. They are native to west coast from central California to South Oregon. They are the tallest trees on earth and can live for thousands of years.
I read this poem by Charlie Chaplin couldn’t help but share it.
“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”
Today, is the first day of school for me, I cant believe it’s already my third semester. I was not feeling excited or anything. To be honest, I was feeling exhausted too. I played a little music and danced, then I did my meditation. I am ready!
Last week, my son’s school started. I can’t believe I lasted one week before dropping him off to school in my pajamas. Is it wrong that I have started to google pajamas you can wear outside? 😀
When I was getting my coffee today in my cup, the barista made a heart in my reusable mug, and told me a little heart for you. It put a smile on my face. I am gonna start my school year with love, gratitude and determination. This semester I am a little confused on how things will be, need to gather lots of data and set up a lab in department. At the end, I always wish I will learn the lesson I need to learn. Now, is the moment which counts!