When I was a kid, my parents once told me they are adopting a child. I don’t know if it was false alarm or they were really trying to adopt but I was dreaming day and night of having another brother or sister. I don’t think the sex was important but thinking of having another siblings would raise me to the sky. And I would go to them ask them daily when I will have my new siblings, this never happened. But the thought and dream of helping as many kids as possible stayed with me.
I would go with my mom to not privileged neighborhoods and we would help out. Being from Iran, I remember a young girl once approached my mom and told her can you give me a “manto”( a uniform for Iran’s schools) so I can go to school. My mom looked at me and told me to take off my Manto, being very shy I told her no. Till this day, I still tell myself why didn’t I. Maybe that became the fire in me to help out, or seeing my mom helping people. I really have no answer for the story.
I remember from early ages for my weekly allowance, I would make a prayer and keep some part of it for the people in need. That was very important for me to teach my son as well. I always wanted everyone to be able to provide for themselves and always my second prayer was that to be rich enough to be able to help other people.
Now at 35 I still live with the same dreams. Now I wish more for love, to love unconditionally, every people, every race, every creature the same. I hope I will learn to love people just the way they are, and unlearn all the things school tried to teach me on separateness.
I hope I will be a tool to bring love and peace to this world. I hope I will be the voice for any creature who hasn’t been heard or who is not loud enough. I hope I get to hold as many hands and raise them up as they raise me up.
This is for today, let’s be open on what tomorrow will bring!
Every evening I try to take a short walk. Most of the times I listen to audio books. Today I was listening to the book “Wisdom of the Shamans”. As I was listening to it, the author talked about meditation and sitting in silent and asking your question until you get your answer. As I was thinking about this sentence, I looked at this beautiful tree. (Usually when I walk I stop and look at trees, I am truly fascinated by them. ) I looked at the tree and I told the tree I know the answer, I need to let go. We can easily materialize letting go, but it’s beyond that. The author talks about which past dreams are you still holding on to. The question for me will be what dreams I am trying to create?
I know I need to live by now, and its been a practice. I wasn’t one of those people who woke up and suddenly they were in the present. It has been a ten year journey of waking up. How to look at the trees and see yourself. How to feel connected, deeply connected. But to create my dream I also see myself talking strongly about environment. That will be my dream. That will be my truth. Deep down we all know our truth, and no one can tell us what our truth is.
This evening, when I was taking my walk. I saw this beauty. I didn’t go closer. I waited for some minutes. After some time he felt comfortable and started looking around. At some-point he decided to go back in to the trees. Sorry the street goes through where your home was. I guess tonight my writing is as messy as my thinking mind.
Is it weird that I have started to like feeling tired and sleepy? Not that I want to be sleepy more than usual but it feels good. :))
Last night, I was awake till 3:00 am working on some project. Now its 6 pm and I feel weirdly good, Mary Poppins style good. Singing and laughing. Just love it!
For my project, I had to have a presentation at 9:15. Around 8:30, nervousness started to rise, I felt like I have forgot everything and my brain is still sleep. I put on head-space to meditate although I couldn’t put myself to sit for more than three minutes, but even that three minutes made me calm. I also did some super-brain yoga and that woke me up. (I think I will write more about this part in another post.)
These daily meditations are bringing more presence and inner calmness for me. There are so many things to be grateful for now in my life.
We all are in pain, one way or another. But we also overcome pain and move past it and so many times grow beyond it. I found this beauty in my hand, and I see femininity in it. Crying woman I call it. Take a deep breath, what do you see when you look at it?
Nature always brings peace to me! I can walk for hours and be at awe with trees, birds! It’s the easiest way for me to bring me to present. 🙂
“Let us turn our pain to power, our victim hood to fire, our self hatred to action, our self-obsession to service, to fire, to wind. Wind. Wind.” A quote from the book of “In the body of the world”
Be transparent as wind. Be as possible and relentless and dangerous, be what moves things forward without needing to leave a mark, be part of this collection of molecules that begins somewhere unknown and can’t help but keep rising. Rising. Rising.” A dear friend gave this book to me and told me, I thought of you when I read this book and I think you will love it. She was correct! I loved it, I love it when people understand your nature and what talks to you. This book is fierce and amazing. After getting the book I got the audible version of it, with her own voice. And oh my god, she is a force of nature! She talks her truth, our truth, women’s truth! How many times we find ourselves screaming, I do that inside my head, she probably does it louder! I truly recommend this book to all the people who are on fire, to the people who are in pain, to the people who are symbol of love and to the people who like me are wind. She is one of the top influential woman and there is a reason why, you feel all her drive while reading this book. I truly couldn’t stop listening to this book. Can’t wait to get her other books!
Decided to listen to some music. Google play: “Mahsa Vahdat is playing near you”
Never heard her name before!
Loved the song and its lyrics.
my love my sweat love I meditating over a photo تو my love my sweat love تو my sweat love
به من گــفتی تا که دل دریا کن بند گیسو وا کن سایهها رویا با بــوی گلها که بوی گل ناله ی مرغ شب تشنگیها بر لب پنجهها در گیسو عطر شببو بزن غلطی اطلســـیها را برگ افرا در باغ رویاها بلبلی میخواند سایــهای میماند مست و تنها
I want to be the breeze playing with the curls of your black and shining hair and the dizzy specks of dust softly dancing… softly dancing on your skin, babe
I want to be your clothes feeling the shape of your body while you walk, getting warm by every touch, and every friction with your curves
نگاه تو شـــکوهی آه تو هرم دستان تو گرمی جان تو با نفس ها
به من گفتی تا که دل دریا کن بند گیسو وا کن ابر بارانزا شب بوی دریا
به ساحلها موج بیتابی را در قدمهای پا در وصال رویا گردش ماهیها بوسه ی ماه … بوسه ی ماه …
I want to be your view, some nature made by God where your lovely eyes where your lovely eyes can rest babe to be able to reflect such a wondrous light such a wondrous light such a wondrous light of love babe love love such a wondrous light of love
I was listening to Nick practicing piano and I couldn’t help my tears running through my cheeks.
It made me think of what love is, what is the definition of love to me, is love different! can it get complicated?!
In my opinion love is free, no attachments, no explanations. True love warms your heart and spreads to environment around you. Love doesn’t have gender. Its the feeling that makes you take care of someone or something. To hold them tight by your heart. that warmth!
Love is listening to your kid play piano! Love is cleaning up the trash in the oceans! love is looking at someones eyes and see their love to you! Love is hugging a tree!
Love is who we are, our essence. We are Love!
Side story: I came to coffee shop to study and I remembered I have forgot to bring my wallet, I was able to find four dollars in my purse and paid for a cappuccino. Right after me a guy walks in, looking for his wallet, he forgot to bring his wallet too. Poor guy has no idea why I am laughing but it made me laugh a lot.