So today I have this very important presentation and It’s beginning of a path for me. I have been working on doing my best and making my presentation. Two hours before my presentation I went to get a coffee and french fries. I usually don’t get fries but it felt like one. So, I went to get coffee and the cashier told me you are number 00.
Probably this doesn’t make sense to you but it was such an AHA moment for me. I am nothing and at the same time I am the center of this world. I am very relieved now. I feel really good about everything now. I love being nothing being zero. It has such a deep definition for me.
“the biggest communication problem is we don’t listen to understand we listen to reply” by Stephen Covey
This is wonderfully true, I have so many friends that when I talk to them I can see they already have their replies lined up, maybe that’s why I don’t share too much. Also, I usually don’t see things personally.
There is also one more thing, once my friend was so upset and she was pouring all her feelings on me. I was taking my time to reply and I remember she was urging me to give her answers.
Please, next time someone comes to you. Listen, Deep listening. Like meditation so you can understand them in a deep level. hold hands, if that helps.
So many times when I go out I think I have put on a mask! The image I am making, other people’s perception, my perception! I really try to be free of what other people think but I truly am not! So many times trying to be correct trying to be know it all! although deep down I am sure I know nothing!
I think since we were born we have been like a shapeless clay, then through time we get shaped, by our parents by environment by school. We kind of get this colonized mind. It’s been some time I am trying to break free and become the shapeless person I am, filled with love my true nature. But (Oh yes! there is a but in my colonized mind), I can’t stop myself from explaining something which is not truth.
So recently I have been back to school and I am getting more and more exposed to work system here in States. I can’t believe how messed up it is. I remember reading the book “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg. In this book she talks about how there is a pay gap for men and women doing the same job. But, I think it even goes beyond that, my friend has started to look for a job in water resources, and she finished her PhD two months ago, and she was telling me she has a research job at university now so when interviewing there is no gap between her job and PhD. Why? Because the people who interview don’t want to hear there was a gap?! they prefer to go with someone who didn’t have the gap.
I think this system is abusive and wrong. On the other hand, it made this country what it is now. We need to be more understanding towards gap’s, social and emotional breaks, pregnancies… We need a healthy environment, that’s the environment which will thrive!
So I Think I finally decided to chose my area of thesis for graduate school. I decided greywater and sustainability. (You realize Greywater is new when word press tries to auto correct greywater to groundwater!)
I have started reading this book called “The Water-Wise Home” by Laura Allen. As I read this book I realize as someone whose bachelor is in water engineering I have no idea about where my drinking water comes from or in which watershed I live? Every part of this book is so rich that can be a great research topic for environmentalists and water engineers. I though I am going to finish the book super early but apparently I am taking my time with it, which is really great. It means I am kind of thinking about every paragraph I read.
I truly can’t read fast, because I am one of those people who feel I have to understand everything. Call it perfectionist or getting distracted but I want to know what is going on in the book so when I explain it I can explain it correctly!
Oh my god, explaining things! Let’s not go there, I usually can’t remember what to explain. :))
Anyways! So far, I am enjoying graduate school. It is so much fun.
Since I become a graduate student at San Jose State university, It has opened up a whole new world to me. Going from engineering mind to environmental studies mind has been one of the best things for me. Believe me I mean it.
Anyways! In one of our courses we learn about America and Indigenous ways of living. We also learn who they were and what they did and what happened to them. How colonials kind of vanished the whole civilization and called them savages! You truly learn who the real savage is, to remove someone from their home and call them savage!
We learn how they used sustainable living, they didn’t abuse land or resources. Their agricultural practices were amazing and people nowadays need to learn it.
After reading all these texts, I go back to other civilizations like Persia, Egypt. What is left from them, westernize culture has been so strongly forced on these countries. They had the best ways of cooling and heating for their homes. There is a bath in Iran which gets warm by just a candle.
I mean just think of the contribution of the science and people these civilizations had on other countries and how often do you here about indigenous heroes!
Last night my husband mentioned a documentary on Netflix called Latin history for morons by actor and comedian john Leguizamo. It’s obvious he has done a lot of research and studying and he gives the best history lesson possible. I truly recommend it to everyone. People need to learn where it all began!